thank you, everyone, for loving me.
the encouragement, especially in the last few hours, has been amazing.
i feel like i have been going kind of blindly in a few areas of my life where most of my peers don't travel (nor should it be normal that they do).

thank you for saying i'm okay at it.

i know not where
from which this sadness comes, yet
it will not conquer me:
the light of God's face
that shines upon me
will save and restore my joy.

this poem

while they're saying and agreeing that "it's okay to be affluent, as long as you're generous," and the possibility that taking more than your share could be justified by God, i have to say i agree with the poem i read that says
This poem understands we cannot put a floor on poverty until we are wiling to put a ceiling on wealth... if they are willing for us to define profits for business we will accept their definitions of freedom for humans
because i think love takes taking our own lives, our own decisions, a little more seriously than some would like to comfort themselves, so that they can believe they're alright and don't feel bad for not giving up what they would do better without anyway.

(poem from nikki giovanni, this poem)

a bit from wendell berry

To the sky, to the wind, then,
and to the faithful trees, I confess
my sins: that I have not been happy
enough, considering my good luck;
have listened to too much noise;
have been inattentive to wonders;
have lusted after praise.
-from a purification

as i've been thinking, i'm realizing i'm feeling lost, needing something bigger than myself to be a part of... i'm a passionate person, need something to throw myself into that is worth my time, my life... and only searching for happiness isn't making me happy, or even satisfied. i need something more to be doing with my time, something that makes a difference... i need a place where i can speak into the world, where there are people who believe in me and can help me focus my energies into something that can be real, that can be effective, creative, life-changing. i feel i so want to birth something new, to be a part of something beautiful, but i am lost as to what that something is... as i am here with time on my hands, i have lots of projects i can work on, lots of books i can read, but i feel restless, because none of those things i really want to do... i want something that will grab my soul and fill me back up with fire, with passion, with the motivation to keep going. what is this?

. . .

maybe this is what i've been missing... this song describes my life, but i keep forgetting, getting distracted by the everyday things, getting dragged down by little things... how is this?

Try on Life it fits like a glove
and feel what it's like to Be Free
Try breathing and seeking to be an instrument of Love
and encourage one another on the journey
Give thanks to the land and the sky up above
and pour your energy into building a community

Make a space for the traveller to stop and put some love in
Be a shelter from the rushin' and the pushin' and the shovin'
Let the music play all night so we can sing and dance
Grow good organic food and lots of bright flowering plants
Put it in a pot and stir it up with lots-o-lovin'
Roll out the dough and fire up the cob oven
Dig into the dirt so you can take a stronger stance
Educate, Relate and be creative with resistance

Try making a life, filling two new eyes with sight
as husband and wife spin their love and unite
For Unity is the healing force that creates
as community blooms from its embryonic states
Give children wings for flight so that they just might
find new ways of making the light shine more bright
Sing with them dance with them learn with them help them carry their weights
and cherish them for they grow at alarmingly fast rates

try on life - jes karper

la primavera

i am amazed by how much the sunshine and beautiful weather, the crocuses coming up and getting my hands dirty working in the soil are awakening me, bringing me back to life. i feel like a completely different person, smiling, laughing, dancing, hugging more. i can't believe the wonders the sun has done for me. this spring, i want to be more alive... i want...

to spend a lot of time in the garden, prizing
the dirt underneath my fingernails as a reminder
of the things that will soon be growing
to dance and spin in the sunlight
(especially while tickling little batmans
and laughing uncontrollably)
to read under trees, and fall asleep while wondering
at the way the light comes through the leaves
to get involved in the immigration conversation and
learn more about the new sanctuary movement
to spend a lot of time with the strong women in my life
who give me inspiration and whose presence helps me
to better know myself
to worship my God in this earth She has birthed and
continues to rebirth each year and day and minute and moment
and seek the Kingdom of justice
and of love
that is strength and organic and sometimes a little
sweaty and dirty,
but is so real that it is with me, as i am, each day
even in those hard days
to spend a lot of time creating...
creating love, creating art, creating community;
to allow the creativity within me each cycle to
release and be born tangibly into this world

i am so happy for spring. i have missed you, sun!

umm.... wasn't there just a blizzard 3 days ago? and the 60's again? just... wow.

loving in community

...and another hard part of community, i'm learning, especially ones like the catholic worker that provide hospitality, is that you fall in love with the people in your community. you bond with them and grow to be family with them, even if they just move in and you've never seen them before in your life, and even if you're pretty different people. and then you enjoy just the day-to-day of life with them, and you think about how you love just doing life with them... and then, inevitably, some of them, at least, move on... to a better housing situation, to a better job, to another place... and even when you're prepared for it, even when you know it's going to happen eventually, it still hurts, and for me, it hurts a lot, probably because i just sometimes envision this imaginary world where all the people i love live together in one place. but i guess that's what it's like, living in community, loving in community.

christmas lights

as i watch luna turn the lights
on and off
on and off
i realize that i, too,
just want to see sometimes
that the things i do
make a difference
in the world around me.

lu

i admire luna because
she is so
adventurous
and curious
and trusting.
i love how
she always gets back up
when she falls,
and she just knows,
without any excessive excitement,
that the right thing to do
is to shuffle through the leaves
(and eat cheese with vigor).