lu

i admire luna because
she is so
adventurous
and curious
and trusting.
i love how
she always gets back up
when she falls,
and she just knows,
without any excessive excitement,
that the right thing to do
is to shuffle through the leaves
(and eat cheese with vigor).

i heart autumn.

and the sun still shines

it's amazing how a tiny baby, barely bigger than my two hands, and the energy and joy of young children can remind me to live in hope and love instead of fear and mourning.

it has been a hard day. strange that one of the worst days of the summer followed one of the best days of the summer. but then, the circle of life always shows itself in times like these.

baby kittens.

i saw life begin today.

children are funny

on the plane:
child: I saw the ocean! Mama, can we see the whole ocean?
mother: Baby, people go on boats and spend years and years on the ocean, and they still don't see the whole ocean.
child: Daaaaaang!

yesterday:
two of ryan's 6th-grade students crashed the wedding.
one of them: he was trying to tell us without really telling us. but i have a photographic memory, so i remembered.

my new favorite thing:
late night bike rides.

i could do this every night.

man, i'm so glad mercury is no longer in retrograde. i communicated something fierce tonight.

...agh! so much to do before weddings, road trips, and much-missed friends.

tonight, i was watching the fireworks with a couple friends and several thousand neighbors, over the mississippi, under the arch, and i thought to myself, "this is my city." and it was a good thought.

there are so many people here i love for so many different reasons. and yet, i still long for others in different places whose presence i adore being in... my sister soulmates, especially.

and today has again shown me i have so much left to learn in life.


... (a prayer, Dag Hammarskjold)
Thou
Whom I do not know
but Whose I am

Thou
Whom I do not comprehend
but Who hast dedicated me
to my fate...

today

the cat is sleeping on my bed again, and she is using my camera for her pillow, and i think she must have fallen asleep reading the last battle, because i'm pretty sure i left it on my nightstand. but then, she might be having kittens, and my mom did read me those books when i was quite young, so it probably all makes sense when you think about it.

my favorite new pastime includes my bedside fan and my pineapple-scented bubbles, and i like to let the fan blow bubbles until the room is full of them. when other people blow bubbles, i like to eat them.

what is life for again?, because i think i've forgotten and yet i think i'm on the right path, loving people and learning new things like how to speak spanish and maybe some carpentry and i've been discovering lots of new things about myself, but still somehow i feel this thing in the back of my mind like maybe something's missing, but what? and integrating is hard, especially because there are a million things to be integrated, and sometimes they seem a little opposite of one another, you know?

but anyway, i think i need a nap. we took sarah to the airport early this morning, and yeah, i miss her already.

harry and betty

as i was looking through old photos of my paternal grandparents, i found this pattern in them, where my grandfather is always kind of tilting his head toward my grandmother... somehow i never really remembered him being so much taller than her.

and really, there are so many things i don't remember about them, never knew about them. i knew that they were amazing people, world travelers (to all 50 states, many times, all the Canadian provinces, and 77 foreign countries, as shown on the map in their basement) and that they overcame some pretty incredible challenges to do amazing things - my grandfather was blind, yet published a book and made great advancements for those with limited eyesight in the early days of computers.

but there were (and still are) so many things i didn't know about them. i never understood their desire for peace and justice... my grandfather's spirituality and longing to be a part of change in society, my grandmother's interest in micro-finance and great desire to see peace throughout the world, both of their involvement in their church, especially around issues of peace... and what i have really learned most about since their passing, what i most longed to believe in but had begun to give up on in the past few weeks, is that it is possible to love a person back to health... and not only is it possible, but it is necessary for all of us to have someone there to listen and take us in when times get hard and help us figure things out and love us unconditionally, even when we aren't making sense. and this is my longing, and this is my calling, and this is how together our lives are still unfolding.

in closing, the passage chosen for my grandmother's memorial service, that rings so true to my heart, and so i hear, so true to hers:

In the last days
the mountain of the LORD's temple will be established
as chief among the mountains;
it will be raised above the hills,
and all nations will stream to it.

Many peoples will come and say,
"Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD,
to the house of the God of Jacob.
He will teach us his ways,
so that we may walk in his paths."
The law will go out from Zion,
the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.

He will judge between the nations
and will settle disputes for many peoples.
They will beat their swords into plowshares
and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will not take up sword against nation,
nor will they train for war anymore.
Isaiah 2:2-4

wearing black

Rest in peace.
The meaning of your lives
is still
unfolding.

Rest in peace.
In me
the meaning of your lives
is still
unfolding.

Rest in peace, in me.
The meaning of your lives
is still
unfolding.

Rest. In me
the meaning of your lives
is still
unfolding.

Rest. In peace
in me
the meaning of our lives
is still
unfolding.

Rest.
-alice walker

with love, goodbye
(for grandma betty
july 31, 1924 - june 14, 2007)