loving in community

...and another hard part of community, i'm learning, especially ones like the catholic worker that provide hospitality, is that you fall in love with the people in your community. you bond with them and grow to be family with them, even if they just move in and you've never seen them before in your life, and even if you're pretty different people. and then you enjoy just the day-to-day of life with them, and you think about how you love just doing life with them... and then, inevitably, some of them, at least, move on... to a better housing situation, to a better job, to another place... and even when you're prepared for it, even when you know it's going to happen eventually, it still hurts, and for me, it hurts a lot, probably because i just sometimes envision this imaginary world where all the people i love live together in one place. but i guess that's what it's like, living in community, loving in community.

christmas lights

as i watch luna turn the lights
on and off
on and off
i realize that i, too,
just want to see sometimes
that the things i do
make a difference
in the world around me.

lu

i admire luna because
she is so
adventurous
and curious
and trusting.
i love how
she always gets back up
when she falls,
and she just knows,
without any excessive excitement,
that the right thing to do
is to shuffle through the leaves
(and eat cheese with vigor).

i heart autumn.

and the sun still shines

it's amazing how a tiny baby, barely bigger than my two hands, and the energy and joy of young children can remind me to live in hope and love instead of fear and mourning.

it has been a hard day. strange that one of the worst days of the summer followed one of the best days of the summer. but then, the circle of life always shows itself in times like these.

baby kittens.

i saw life begin today.

children are funny

on the plane:
child: I saw the ocean! Mama, can we see the whole ocean?
mother: Baby, people go on boats and spend years and years on the ocean, and they still don't see the whole ocean.
child: Daaaaaang!

yesterday:
two of ryan's 6th-grade students crashed the wedding.
one of them: he was trying to tell us without really telling us. but i have a photographic memory, so i remembered.

my new favorite thing:
late night bike rides.

i could do this every night.

man, i'm so glad mercury is no longer in retrograde. i communicated something fierce tonight.

...agh! so much to do before weddings, road trips, and much-missed friends.

tonight, i was watching the fireworks with a couple friends and several thousand neighbors, over the mississippi, under the arch, and i thought to myself, "this is my city." and it was a good thought.

there are so many people here i love for so many different reasons. and yet, i still long for others in different places whose presence i adore being in... my sister soulmates, especially.

and today has again shown me i have so much left to learn in life.


... (a prayer, Dag Hammarskjold)
Thou
Whom I do not know
but Whose I am

Thou
Whom I do not comprehend
but Who hast dedicated me
to my fate...

today

the cat is sleeping on my bed again, and she is using my camera for her pillow, and i think she must have fallen asleep reading the last battle, because i'm pretty sure i left it on my nightstand. but then, she might be having kittens, and my mom did read me those books when i was quite young, so it probably all makes sense when you think about it.

my favorite new pastime includes my bedside fan and my pineapple-scented bubbles, and i like to let the fan blow bubbles until the room is full of them. when other people blow bubbles, i like to eat them.

what is life for again?, because i think i've forgotten and yet i think i'm on the right path, loving people and learning new things like how to speak spanish and maybe some carpentry and i've been discovering lots of new things about myself, but still somehow i feel this thing in the back of my mind like maybe something's missing, but what? and integrating is hard, especially because there are a million things to be integrated, and sometimes they seem a little opposite of one another, you know?

but anyway, i think i need a nap. we took sarah to the airport early this morning, and yeah, i miss her already.