sometimes i feel like i've chosen a path through the forest to this amazing lake, and i've hiked and hiked until i've found it, and then i realize the lake is really a swamp... and although i've gone to where my goal was, when i get there, i realize it was never meant for me. and instead of going along the path to which i can see the end, i need to take the path that is marked with my name, although i don't know where it will take me, because it was meant for me. i set a goal of who i want to be- how weird or funny or smart or similar to some person... and then, after time, i get there and then i see that the traits i've chosen to pursue are really worthless and not meant for me. and so i'm unsatisfied with myself, even frustrated. instead i'd rather be where God wants me, who He wants me to be. and it's never where i'd expect or even at first where i'd choose or think i'd be happy. but when i get there, though i don't know where i'm going, i'm so satisfied. and i learn who i truly am, as He teaches me my true name, my true passions, my true desires, my true needs, my true heart. and even though i don't think i'll ever get there in this life or know who i am completely or any of that, the journey is so much better than anything else i could imagine, being held by His hand, skipping across fields and through the streets of life, weaving in and out of people's lives, landing in different geographic locations and locations of the heart. and it's so true that the more i learn, the more i realize how little i know, how much more there is to learn. but it is joy and bliss and love to be with Him in His hand through it, a song and a dream and being swept up into His arms all at the same time. it is every good thing to be in Him and held by Him. and He never lets go.
i was senseless and ignorant; i was a brute beast before You. yet i am always with You, You hold me by Your right hand. psalm 73:22+23
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