o Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your Name in all the earth!
You have set Your glory above the heavens.
from the lips of children and infants You have ordained praise
because of Your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.
when i consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which You have set in place,
what is man that You are mindful of him, the son of man that You care for him?
...psalm 8:1-4

where can i get the heart that has this cry? how do i dispose of my own prideful, self-centered attitude? how have i become so that i believe i deserve His care and His thoughts, that somehow i have arrived? i want to know how small i am, how insignificant, how tiny, how nothing without Him. i long to know His greatness, His beauty, His majesty, His power. i desire to see His stars and then understand my nothingness in comparison. how can i learn this awe for One who deserves more worship and glory than i can ever give? how can i know this in my heart instead of just in my head? Lord, teach me to fall to my knees, to be completely humbled before You and know how undeserving i am of Your amazing love.


my beautiful life is fulfilling most of my fall wish-list.
my beautiful life is talking to my beloved mama on the phone.
my beautiful life is finding out my beautiful sister and her amazing friends are coming to visit.
my beautiful life is camping in the chill autumn.
my beautiful life is roasting bananas and sausages over the campfire.
my beautiful life is singing praise and guitar music.
my beautiful life is watching the stars on the cold ground.
my beautiful life is the brightest shooting star through the center of the heavens just for me.
my beautiful life is beautiful friends and being real.
my beautiful life is honesty and depth and sharing hurts and joys and struggles.
my beautiful life is being known and understood like i never knew was possible.
my beautiful life is snuggling up in sleeping bags and talking until we can no longer stay awake.
my beautiful life is getting to know beautiful roomate's fiance.
my beautiful life is knowing that fiance is right and i am willing to surrender her to him in july.
my beautiful life is laughing until i fall down and still laughing more.
my beautiful life is hiking through the fall colors into beautiful canyons and along beautiful rivers.
my beautiful life is witnessing first acorns and first tall trees and first cracker barrels.
my beautiful life is loving my state with sweet christine.
my beautiful life is creating songs and having them created about me.
my beautiful life is prayer that works.
my beautiful life is being able to go to a warm car and a warm house after a cold weekend.
my beautiful life is roomates who clean while we're away.
my beautiful life is a new friend herman living in our basement.
my beautiful life is being trusted to listen and love.
my beautiful life is soulmates and joy.
my beautiful life is brand-new sheets as green as a forest.
my beautiful life is james taylor and memories i hope i keep forever.
my beautiful life is blessed.


all the leaves from the block (courtesy of the leaf-blower man) + one broom + one porch = joy joy joy!! we have the most jinormous leaf pile ever, spanning our entire front yard. if you want a jump or a roll, come on over, we don't charge.
also, my first experience with honeycomb today... splendid... reminded me of psalm 19
next... camping in a long-desired place with two of my favoritest friends and one fiance= great anticipation and one wonderful fall break.


i am ridiculously undeservedly blessed.
God gave us the most amazing tree in front of our house. it smiles at me every morning through my upstairs window, waving at me coyly, flickering its beautiful yellow leaves, letting in beautiful shadows of the rising sun. it gives me joy in its leaf-showers as i wish that my life could be as beautiful and bring as much joy as the death of even one of those drifting, spinning, falling leaves. it brings me beautiful leaf-gifts on my lap as i porch-sit and drink tea and blow bubbles with amazing friends and roomates. it intrigues me in its beautiful cross-hatched thick bark. and it replenishes my yard with many leaves in only a day after the old ones were stolen by the lawnmower-man, leaves that cover the grass and cry out to be made into a pile for jumping.
sigh. i have been shown twice in 24 hours how i have made an impact in students' lives, and i have not yet graduated. how do i show love to these beautiful people? Abba, i see that You have made me for this, but my love is so human and limited and i am so imperfect and inadequate to be a role model or teacher or leader to these precious hearts. help me to trust in Your provision, that You are enough where i don't have enough.
...krystal's chocolate wrapper said to count the stars, to which she delightedly exclaimed, "in chicago you CAN count the stars!" ... it makes me miss the country and home and tennessee. where will my life be in a year? i can only guess and depend.


indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky
and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
all powerful, untameable,
awestruck we fall to our knees
as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and
You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
---chris tomlin, indescribable

mmm... answer to prayer for learning humility and beginning to smash my arrogance and pride and growing a proper reverence for this God that cannot be imagined or described in human words or thoughts. i want to remember how far i have yet to go instead of allowing myself to sometimes believe i've arrived... for my gratefulness for the blessings i've received to turn to humility and awe at His beauty... for my learning and growing to lead to an amazement of how much more there is to learn and how i will never truly get more than a glimpse of who He is on this earth, i will never really understand Him or the hugeness of His glory... to know that i will never grasp His hugeness... and that it is true that i stand before Him and sing
You are beautiful beyond description
too marvelous for words,
too wonderful for comprehension
like nothing ever seen or heard.
who can grasp Your infinite wisdom,
who can fathom the depth of Your love?


my roommates are amazing. i love that they always surprise me, always impress me, always encourage me. that when i am with them i sit in joy and laugh and learn and am blessed. and they will listen and hold me and be real with me and share who they really are with me and remind me of how good He is. their faces as they share the excitement of what God has taught them or how they're struggling and long to be further in their faith. they are so genuine and real and deep and beautiful. they are flying, whirling, spinning, living so alive. and they take me for surprise when i think i know them so well because they are real, they're not who i think in my head, they are themselves and they are my sisters. i am overly blessed.

i am continually awe-struck by how God always answers my prayers, my hopes and fears, how He always speaks and is speaking. and how He speaks right to where i am, where my heart is struggling or confused or wondering. last night, He spoke through this little wooden name-plate i received as a little girl and have no idea why i've kept it or brought it with me... until now. He said to me, "heather. my beautiful flower. the Lord is a sun and a shield; no good thing will He withhold from the upright." (psalm 84:11) and for me, that is exactly what i needed to hear. He is good and His promises are forever and He is faithful to keep them. especially when the verse before begins "better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere"... and A thousand, not thousands like the song, but one thousand, like my three years like the truth it has become in my life that i am so glad i followed my God and now i can see and it is true that it is better to be here where i am right now for only one day, there's even that much joy and truth and real abundant living in one day than in a thousand if i had stayed where i thought i would be more comfortable and happy. and how He has shown me that promise is true more than any other one, so i can also trust His next verse, His next promise to me, and so i will wait on His timing to reveal what He has for me because He is good and faithful, He is a sun and a shield, and He will not withhold good things from my life, because He loves me and sees me as a beautiful flower, as a joyful spirit, as His child. He knows me so much more than i even know myself and He loves me so much better than anyone else ever could.
for [my] Maker is [my] husband- the Lord Almighty is His name- the Holy One of Israel is [my] Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth! isaiah 54:5


it was raining leaves this morning... what unexpected warmth. hmm... life is good. tea parties with jazz on the porch with krystal, birthday parties and firsts of 21, jazz clubs and piano bars. fall is beautiful.
perhaps i should get back to homework so i can catch up on reading... and then begin on the joyous hurston literature i picked up yesterday, as well as finish "ruthless trust." why am i so bad at being disciplined?


what an up and down week. joys and insecurities, confusion and laughter, frustrations and blessings have leaked out. and so i feel a little emotionally tired. it would be a dream to just be stable again for a week or so. unfortunately, i'm human and i will never be perfect and i will never be always and completely consistent with God and therefore, i will never have me really in check.
sigh. such a good college life, too. God speaks... and i must trust Him... from the molding together of Scriptures about living justice and fighting corrupt societies and those about living fully in Him, alive and in joy and not holding back and stretching my love out wide and big and taking a risk to care for others who might not care back (and that hurts a lot), to "tis so sweet to trust in Jesus," knowing His life and rest, and joy and peace and that He desires that abundant life for me and has blessed me in trusting Him that He knows me so much better than i do myself, to "better is one day" and seeing the fruits of that promise God had given me before i transferred- that even one day where He has put me is truly better than a thousand somewhere else. so He knows me and where He wants me is where i will best fit in and thrive, so that is where i will follow. even if it's not where i want to be at the time.


mmm... good life.
learning massage from my therapist roomate... enjoyable. hopefully i can use it as a way to love those around me. i feel like i've gained so much respect and love for the human body in the last few years, that i've seen how amazing it is and how God's done something beautiful in it... and i think this teach me even more awe.
laughing with my roomates, seeing how they've grown and matured, both in body
justice class... the best part of my schoolweek. i love how joyful and frustrated i feel after i leave- that i long to sit and listen to the wisdom and passion kazi exudes as he speaks, to read every book ever written on the subject of justice, to know what it truly is and how God's heart longs for it, to be real and honest. and to talk about the struggles and hardships of those around me makes my heart race- to see injustice and know that even if our actions won't change everything, they can change something, like in the oscar romero prayer we pray to close many classes. and frustration in the selfishness and greed of our nation, the individualism that says, "i have to look out for number one" and ignores our neighbor in her need. and yet hope in the small victories, in the ways people around us are making a difference. and to leave never the same, always wanting to change and be more and better and to put what i've learned into action. that self-discipline is what will make justice happen, and it happens to be the same thing God told me i'm going to learn this year.
learning to trust God, to know He has what's best for me and His timing is best. to relax in His arms and be satisfied in Him, in being who He's made me and not judge myself by the silly comparison game that i never win. to know a spirit of gratitude that brings true joy for life and loves every moment.
just sitting on the porch, reading in the crisp coolness of the morning from the new cold front, watching the sun sprinkle through the trees, dancing on the road, the leaves flickering, feeling so alive.
i am so blessed. i am so loved. Lord, let me return these favors to You and all i meet. let me be a blessing to others and to show them they are loved.


i love mondays with christine. certainly soulmate material. it is good to understand, to be understood, to share joys and God's blessings. thank You for amazing friends, even if only for seasons of life. thank You for clarity of mind, even if it only reaches a few hours until i forget again.
God thinks i'm funny, too.
every girl deserves flowers and chocolate. especially those who are beautiful and strong and real and made for something amazing.
i want to be a pirate. notes from my pocket: poofy sleeves, white shirt, button down. cloth belt. eye patch. one hoop earring. BIG beads for other ear and/or for hair. buckled high-heeled shoes - huge bow. bangles. insane eyeliner. head scarf. really stringy hair. high riders! plain white tights.
you know what? i know God is good, so good. but if i REALLY knew how good He is, i would be different. wouldn't you?
although i'm excited for autumn, the warm is beautiful too. the chill and then the cold will come soon enough.
it is so good to rejoice in the now.

Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, "Come, let's go over to the outpost of those unricumcised fellows. Perhapst the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, wheter by many or by few."
"Do all that you have in mind," his armor-bearer said. "Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul."
Jonathan said, "Come, then; we will cross over toward the men and let them see us. If they say to us, 'Wait there until we come to you,' we will stay where we are and not go up to them. But if they say, 'Come up to us,' we will climb up, because that will be our sign that the Lord has given them into our hands."
1 Samuel 14:6-10

Like Jonathan, I want to take initiative, to respond to God's Word and call without hesitation, I want to trust His invitation, however crazy it may seem, I want to transform the moment. I want to choose based on faith instead of fear, I want to have advance faith that is not obedience if, I want to take the risk of trusting God to do something impossible, I want believe and act even when it doesn't make sense. I want to trust Him without abandon, to always know He is faithful and live like it. What a blessing and a witness to see Newsong, to hear the words of trust from Dave and Shelly. Their faith makes my heart soar, excites me, encourages me. That is the foundation a church should be based upon- total dependence on God, not human plans. Not knowing what's in store for next week, but knowing that God will provide, that He is faithful, that it's His thing and He will make it happen. To continue along with Him and watch His blessings flow through obedience.
And so I want to have the same trust in my own life for what God's doing there, even though I'm so afraid of the unknown, my trust in my unfailing, faithful, unconditionally-loving God is greater. And so I'll trust the sign He's given me.