it's barely believable how quickly everything can change and one's world can be turned upside down. and in only a few words, everything is different. i hope last post's words are true.
He promises:

Then maidens will dance and be glad,
young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
Isaiah 31:13

13 Shout for joy, O heavens;
rejoice, O earth;
burst into song, O mountains!
For the LORD comforts his people
and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
14 But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me."
15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!
16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are ever before me.
17 Your sons hasten back,
and those who laid you waste depart from you.
18 Lift up your eyes and look around;
all your sons gather and come to you.
As surely as I live," declares the LORD,
"you will wear them all as ornaments;
you will put them on, like a bride.
19 "Though you were ruined and made desolate
and your land laid waste,
now you will be too small for your people,
and those who devoured you will be far away.
20 The children born during your bereavement
will yet say in your hearing,
'This place is too small for us;
give us more space to live in.'
21 Then you will say in your heart,
'Who bore me these?
I was bereaved and barren;
I was exiled and rejected.
Who brought these up?
I was left all alone,
but these—where have they come from?' "
22 This is what the Sovereign LORD says:
"See, I will beckon to the Gentiles,
I will lift up my banner to the peoples;
they will bring your sons in their arms
and carry your daughters on their shoulders.
23 Kings will be your foster fathers,
and their queens your nursing mothers.
They will bow down before you with their faces to the ground;
they will lick the dust at your feet.
Then you will know that I am the LORD;
those who hope in me will not be disappointed."
Isaiah 49:13-23

Oh, God- please be comforter and guide in this house.

... 'cause time is a healer...

i miss warm weather. come soon, spring! i need you, flowers and leaves, singing birds and green grass.

wow... i wake up to a loud crash... a car wreck, i think,... but then it keeps going, and my house starts to shake, it feels like the walls of the new building down the street are falling... and yet the sound continues... i go downstairs, there is a car now perpendicular to where it was parked, a chunk out of my house, and the fence next to my house destroyed. some very very drunk person, already being chased by the cops, must have thought that there was an alley or street behind my house instead of a river, rammed into a parked car in front of my house, destroyed its side, and tried to go between my house and the apt building next to me. after several times hitting my house, running over the fence, and hitting a tree, it reversed, turned, drove along the sidewalk, knocked over some trash cans, and went back into the road. craziest thing i've woken up to in a long time. maybe ever. although that huge crack of thunder last semester was pretty sweet, too.

"show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before You.
each man's life is but a breath.
man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
he bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.
"but now, Lord, what do i look for? my hope is in You."
Psalm 39:4-7
...i've been thinking about this a lot this past week... on wednesday, our neighbor two doors down died... i didn't really know him at all, only met him twice i think, once selling some flowers for a mission trip and once taking my little sister trick-or-treating. on tuesday, i saw the ambulance pull up to the house and thought nothing of it. but i keep thinking about how short life is, how our worth can only be by God...


and because of the snow today, falling so prettily outside the window-seat view:
fall gently, snowflakes
cover me with white
cold icy kisses and
let me rest tonight.
maya angelou, "woman work"

Jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
cause i can't do this all on my own
i'm letting go
so give me one more chance
to save me from this road i'm on
Jesus take the wheel
-carrie underwood, "Jesus, take the wheel"

Abba, thank You for calling to me even when i'm not listening; for speaking to me even when i don't take the time to speak to You; for holding my hand even when i go far away; for guiding me even when i follow my own ways; for loving me no matter height or depth or angels or demons. i do so long to surrender completely again and be led to crazy places by You because what i do on my own is nothing. teach me to let go so i can follow You.

yes for roller skating. memories of dare skate parties danced in my head as my little sis and i skate-danced to brick house and the cha cha slide with the disco lights spinning around us. if only they played breakfast at tiffany's... oh why, edwardsville, would you tear down a skate corral, bowling alley, and indoor tennis courts for a third hardware and lumber?
enough nostalgia. kansas city this weekend! (for real, this time. not really going on a semi-stressful cruise.) i love my family.

i wonder how jack would feel about his stories' characters becoming poorly made action figures in mcdonald's happy meals. this is how the world will now see peter the magnificent, susan the gentle, edmund the just, and lucy the valiant. and jadis did nothing in her defacing of Aslan, binding, shaving, and muzzling Him, nor did puzzle shame Aslan in his lion suit, in comparison with this plastic rendition of the King, the Lord of the whole wood, not safe, but good, who has swallowed up whole kingdoms, son of the Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea, King of Beasts, who ends sorrows and brings the spring. and so this is why i won't be watching the movie... because lewis' words are so well written that every time i read narnia, i am alive in joy and i know MY Aslan better... i read these books and in each one, i cannot help but say to myself, "that's MY Jesus, that's MY God..." though Aslan may be only the author's imagination of what God would look like in another world of talking animals and fauns and giants and nymphs and marshwiggles, He IS my God... He is the same good, forever-loving, just, sovereign, beautiful, and untame God that for whatever reason, i have been allowed to know in this world. and every time i read these books, i come out knowing that King better and falling more deeply in love with Him. it breaks my heart that so many people will "just watch the movie" instead of reading such a beautiful love story.