10.19.2005

i am ridiculously undeservedly blessed.
God gave us the most amazing tree in front of our house. it smiles at me every morning through my upstairs window, waving at me coyly, flickering its beautiful yellow leaves, letting in beautiful shadows of the rising sun. it gives me joy in its leaf-showers as i wish that my life could be as beautiful and bring as much joy as the death of even one of those drifting, spinning, falling leaves. it brings me beautiful leaf-gifts on my lap as i porch-sit and drink tea and blow bubbles with amazing friends and roomates. it intrigues me in its beautiful cross-hatched thick bark. and it replenishes my yard with many leaves in only a day after the old ones were stolen by the lawnmower-man, leaves that cover the grass and cry out to be made into a pile for jumping.
sigh. i have been shown twice in 24 hours how i have made an impact in students' lives, and i have not yet graduated. how do i show love to these beautiful people? Abba, i see that You have made me for this, but my love is so human and limited and i am so imperfect and inadequate to be a role model or teacher or leader to these precious hearts. help me to trust in Your provision, that You are enough where i don't have enough.
...krystal's chocolate wrapper said to count the stars, to which she delightedly exclaimed, "in chicago you CAN count the stars!" ... it makes me miss the country and home and tennessee. where will my life be in a year? i can only guess and depend.

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