11.03.2005

as i've been struggling through issues of arrogance and self-centeredness these past few weeks, i've come to realize that my calling to youth ministry is even more than i ever imagined. not only is youth ministry what i am created for, where i thrive, where i am happiest and best made for, not only does youth ministry use the areas where i am best, but youth ministry is where i am at my best. some do youth ministry to serve and help, but i need youth ministry to be who God has made me to be. i need youth ministry. it pulls me out of my self-centeredness and teaches me to love like i cannot love on my own. it pulls my focus off myself and my needs and desires, my fears and inadequacies, my struggles and longings, and it brings me to focus on others, on their needs, their lives, their desires. it shows me a glimpse of how God loves, how He is able to see all of me and not just how i act, but also the things that drive me. it helps me to see the world and people through His eyes instead of my own. it gives me a worldview from His point of view rather than from my own point of view, where the world somehow always centers on me again and again. it places in me a love for these students, these middle school and high schoolers, that cannot be from myself, that overwhelms me with compassion, that excites me and breaks me, that makes me want so badly to encourage and challenge. i do youth ministry because i truly cannot do anything else. without it, i would cease to be me... how amazing this God that knows me so truly that He knows to put me where i will be at my best... and being at my best spills over to all the areas of life. it gives me the desire to be close to God, to love my neighbor, to care for my family. my heart is revealed in youth ministry.

... sigh. how can it already be november? i remember thinking october was so long ago, and now it has come and gone. come back, october! and yet, i don't feel i have wasted or lost the month... i have learned much and enjoyed it, and i am excited for this month. but somehow i always wish i could pack more into the day, into the week, into the month. i always want to grow more, love more, do more, learn more. Abba, teach me to be satisfied. teach me to just be.

november third is a beautiful day. whoever heard of november being in the 70's? glorious. i continue to be amazed at how each day brings its own new beauty, how the trees continue to become more dazzling in their changing colors, how each season has its own joys. my hope for this year is that each season is my favorite as i am in it. i long to be content in where i am, where He has put me... whether the location, the placed in life, the relationships, or the season... being satisfied, knowing He is enough... perhaps the beginning of abundant life.

1 comment:

Tim said...

I share your heart for student ministry completely! I know exactly where you're coming from. Several years ago during an interview for a youth pastor position at a church, someone on the committee asked me, "What would you be doing vocationally if it wasn't youth ministry?" The question threw me off. I seriously had never even thought about doing anything else besides youth ministry. It's my calling, my passion, what consumes my service to the Lord. What else is there that could possibly be better?! Be ecouraged that there are more of us out there and that you are not alone. :-)